


I'm Here Now

by celestiasexual



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Back From Dead, Canon Compliant, Character Death Fix, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gabriel Lives, Gabriel in the Bunker, Happy Ending, Human Gabriel, Kinda, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Moving In Together, Possibly Pre-Slash, Post-Episode: s05e19 Hammer of the Gods, Post-Episode: s08e14 Trial and Error, Resurrection, Sabriel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-20 19:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1523222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestiasexual/pseuds/celestiasexual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel is resurrected after being killed by Lucifer, but he discovers that he’s lost his grace and his powers. He doesn’t know who brought him back or why, but he gets a job and tries to adjust to human life on his own. That is, until he runs into the Winchesters again - or Sam, to be precise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Canon compliant up to the point where Sam has completed the first trial (s08e14, 'Trial and Error')  
> There will be two multi-chapter fics to this series, both of which can stand on their own, but are better read together (and in order).
> 
> inspired by this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxGbBSfTpiQ)  
> also posted on [tumblr](http://samshinee.tumblr.com/post/84057940822/im-here-now-gabriel-is-resurrected-after-being)

“Hey, Winchester!”

The voice was loud enough to be heard above the music, and from the other end of the bar, Gabriel cursed under his breath. To this day, he still didn’t know what had urged him to blurt out _that_ last name out of all possibilities, when he’d applied for the job. All those years that he’d mingled among the humans, all those fake aliases he’d used, but when asked he’d just blurted out “Gabriel… Winchester,” before he realized what he’d said. But then it was too late to correct himself, and it would have been fine, really, if it wasn’t for his jackass ex-marine co-worker, who was unable to refer to people by their first names.

Gabriel walked up to the bar, throwing a glare in his co-worker’s direction, and proceeded to serve the customers that had lined up.

It was a Friday, which meant his shift wasn’t over until two in the morning. By the time he got to his apartment, Gabriel was exhausted. He kicked his shoes off as soon as he walked in and threw his jacket on the sofa, missing, and he watched it land on the floor instead. He took off the rest of his clothes as he walked to his bedroom and after a quick shower, he found himself lying flat on his back, the damp towel wrapped loosely around his hips. He laid with his hands behind his head and his eyes fixed on the ceiling, open wide in wonder.

More often than not, he found himself in that position, lying awake late into the night, despite all his exhaustion after his shift at the bar, wondering how the hell he’d ended up leading the life he was now. Having a steady job at the bar, renting his own apartment, paying the bills, and doing grocery shopping – having a proper routine, for fuck’s sake – just like any other human being. It had been four years now that he’d been stuck in this world, on earth, in what appeared to be almost like an alternate universe.

Four years ago, after that fatal meeting with his brother, Gabriel had been resurrected – only to find out he was powerless, wingless, graceless… no longer an angel. He’d woken up in an empty field, and had been aching, shivering, and worn out – everything that made him realize he how incredibly human he now was.

He’d been angry, so angry, in the beginning. He had gone up against the devil, stood up against his family, like he’d been so afraid to do, only to be killed by his own brother. And then only to be brought back to life, as a human, powerless and helpless. Where was the fairness in that? Why was he forced to suddenly get used to all these things like feeling tired, and hungry, and thirsty all the time. Why did he have to remember to satisfy these humanly needs now? What was the point of him being brought back to life if it was going to be like this?

He missed his wings. He missed his powers. He missed snapping things into reality, travelling himself across the world with a thought. He missed tuning in to hear prayers directed specifically at him, the archangel Gabriel – which was something he’d never admit he enjoyed, or even remotely missed.

At one point, he had picked up a children’s book while he was waiting at the waiting room of a hospital – a hospital, for crying out loud! – and was absently thumbing through it. The book was about a little boy whose mother had taken his toys from him until he learned his lesson. Something about not hitting other children, or some crap, Gabriel hadn’t really been paying attention to it. At least he hadn’t realized that he had until much later, during one of his sleepless nights in a motel somewhere in Michigan. The memory of the story came to him spontaneously, and he actually became emotional, feeling devastated that the stupid children’s story was something he actually understood and felt deeply inside him. Tears filled his eyes and he’d felt something heavy in his chest, and he’d closed his eyes, sending a silent prayer to an absent father.

He’d wandered across the country for months and months, staying in crappy motels as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to do. He’d tried looking for answers, but he didn’t even know where to start. His one and only refuge being those small churches no one ever went to, to pray again and again, even if Gabriel was sure that God was playing a cruel trick on his son.

The answer came to him in a small, crowded bar in Idaho, where he’d been rambling away, quite dangerously so, under the influence of alcohol. The waitress serving him had informed him of a job opening, asking if he was interested. Gabriel’s eyebrows shot up, that wasn’t something he’d considered before that – the fact that he’d need a job in order to survive, but he’d quickly jumped at the opportunity. The waitress had smiled at him, asked for his name, and in a rush, Gabriel had blurted out, “Gabriel…Winchester,” without thinking.

Later, Gabriel came to the conclusion that not everything about being human was bad. For one, food tasted better now, and he came to discover that there was nothing like ending your day with a nice slice of chocolate cake. But there was an added consequence, since apparently chocolate cake isn’t very healthy, and he was adding to his weight slice by slice. Sex was a lot better too, he found out, after hooking up with an actual human being for the first time. He still remembered the experience, as if it was the first time he’d had sex – well, maybe, technically, after dying and coming back to life, you’d have to lose your virginity again, right? But then again, now he had to worry about things like protection. And if it was a woman, the added he could also actually get her pregnant. There was a balance to things, he figured, because you didn’t get to enjoy something without worrying about the possible risks of your behaviours. Sometimes he thought, somewhat bitterly, that maybe that was the lesson here. Then there were little things he enjoyed, like hanging out with his co-workers at the back of the bar for a smoke break, or how people seemed to like him better now for some reason (it was probably the lack of trickster-behaviour), and even things like sleeping half the day away on his days off, and waking up to the sound of the rain.

All in all, he was doing alright. Everything was going okay for him, almost like he’d carved a little corner of the world for himself once again and settled in. Until that night where he glanced at the bar’s entrance and saw the two men dressed in black suits – impersonating FBI agents, he was sure – walk through the door.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

“Winchester, get back here!”

Gabriel winced as he heard that. He was standing at the far corner of the bar, supposedly serving drinks to a table, but then he’d stopped and started chatting to the four girls. He was standing with his back turned to the bar, and the table where the actual Winchester brothers were sat. Gabriel glanced at them briefly, noting the strange looks they were sharing. It wasn’t a likely coincidence, what with the rarity of it, for them to actually stumble across another person who happened to share their last name.

Gabriel tried to think quickly, to figure out a way to get out of the situation, because letting Sam and Dean know that he was alive was the last thing he wanted. The place was crowded, and there were people lined up, waiting to be served. He knew he was needed at the bar, but he just couldn’t risk getting caught. He rushed through the kitchen door as fast as he could – he had to try and find a co-worker who could replace him.

He wasn’t fast enough though - Sam caught enough of a glimpse of him to be sure that it was either Gabriel himself, or his vessel. Either way, there was no good explanation for why he was suddenly alive.

“Did you see that?”

Dean was too focused on his burger to actually care about why Sam sounded so frantic. “See what?” he asked, talking with his mouth full, which always grossed Sam out. Dean grinned at him cheekily.

Sam sighed and pointed towards the back of the bar, behind them. “I’m pretty sure I just saw a dead archangel walking very quickly through that door.”

Dean glanced at the door, then back at Sam and shrugged. A few days ago, in the motel, while they’d been getting ready to head out and investigate the case of the missing children, Sam had got the idea in his head that Gabriel was alive. Dean didn’t believe him of course, because once an angel was dead, that was it, they were gone forever, and he was sure that Lucifer had stabbed and killed Gabriel. He’d walked into the room to see Sam staring at the TV, hi mouth wide open, claiming that he’d seen Gabriel in the new Pepsi Max advertisement. Dean had looked at his brother like he’d been drugged.

“Dude, I swear, that was him.” Sam had seemed shocked to say the least. “He even did the hand thing. You know, the clicky finger thing.” He’d raised his hand and snapped his fingers a few times, looking at Dean with wide eyes.

Dean had barely managed to convince him that it was probably just a lookalike, or perhaps his old vessel, or something like that, and Sam had eventually gone along with it, acknowledging that there was no known way Gabriel could actually be alive. Now, as he saw Gabriel cleverly trying to slip past the brothers unnoticed, Sam knew he couldn’t be wrong. There were nerves rising in his stomach at the possibility that Gabriel could be alive, and he got to his feet, determined to go investigate. As he walked away from their table, he heard Dean’s protests, but Sam ignored him.

He made his way out of the bar and walked around the building, to see if Gabriel had escaped through the backdoor. He was surprised to find Gabriel leaning against the wall, a black apron around his waist and a cigarette in his mouth. Sam was even more surprised when he heard Gabriel groan as he took notice of Sam’s presence.

Sam was taken aback. “Well, it’s nice to you see you, too…Gabriel.”

Gabriel swallowed hard. “So, you found me.” He sighed, dropped the cigarette on the ground, and stepped on the butt. “I knew I couldn’t slip past _you_.”

Sam crossed his arms against his chest, shifting into defensive mode, as he watched Gabriel. A million questions crossed his mind, and he found it hard to keep track of his own train of thought, until something unexpectedly escaped his mouth. “You’re the Winchester.”

It wasn’t even a question, and Gabriel blinked, feeling a little embarrassed. He gave an affirmative answer and looked at Sam with tired eyes. Before Sam could speak up again, Gabriel walked up to him.

“Look, can we talk later? I’ve got to get back to the bar.”

“You work here? Really?” Sam asked, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

Gabriel sighed, and he sounded worn out. The nerves in Sam’s stomach refused to settle down, and the feeling clouded his mind.

“Yes, I do work here. So, talk later?”

Sam nodded. He plucked a card from the inside pocket of his jacket and scribbled the name and room number where he and Dean were staying, and handed it over to Gabriel. Then he quickly turned around and walked away, a strange feeling washing over him – he felt like something wasn’t quite right, the atmosphere had been strange and tense, and it unsettled Sam.

 

 

When Gabriel didn’t show up, Sam returned to the bar the next night, now dressed in his favourite plaid shirt and dark green jacket. It was after midnight, but naturally the bar was still busy, and he sat at the bar, ordering himself a beer. He didn’t want to admit he was waiting for Gabriel to show up, but after half an hour he mustered up the courage to ask one of the employees where he could find the man, eventually flashing his FBI badge after the bartender had denied him the information.

Sam decided to treat this situation just like any other case; find the person’s location, and then go and confront them. At least, that was his plan, until he found himself standing outside Gabriel’s apartment.

Suddenly his stomach was tied in knots, and he felt like he might throw up. It wasn’t uncommon these days for him to feel unwell because the trials to close the gates of hell had worn him out, but this was different. This was emotional anxiety at having to confront Gabriel. Even the fact that he got to talk to him again, after all the time he’d spend thinking that the archangel was dead, having sacrificed himself by going up against Lucifer –

Sam took a deep breath, trying to get his feelings under control, and knocked.

“Well, hello again,” Gabriel smiled up at him when he opened the door, looking brighter and more relaxed now. “Can’t keep away, huh?” he winked at Sam and stepped aside, letting the taller man walk in.

Sam took a minute to examine his surroundings. He looked at the empty pizza boxes on the coffee table, the endless candy wrappers next to them; he looked at the TV, paused at what he could only assume was the beginning of another very cheesy porno, and then he looked at Gabriel, and gasped, as if suddenly seeing what was there all along.

“You’re human.”

“Really? Damn, I hadn’t realised.” Gabriel knitted his eyebrows thoughtfully. “You know, this explains a lot of things.”

Sam stood there staring at him mouth agape. “Gabriel…what happened?”

“Uh…cat got my grace?” Gabriel shrugged off the question with a bad joke, and a nervous smile, but it didn’t change anything. He sighed, defeated. “Honestly? I don’t know.”

“I knew there was something off.” Sam paced the room now, running a hand through his hair. “Wait, was that still you? On TV, with those Pepsi Max ads?”

“Oh yeah, you saw those,” Gabriel grinned now, a genuine smile. “Oh man, those were fun.”

Sam chuckled in response, because yeah, now that the real Gabriel was standing in front of him, that familiar voice and laughter filling his ears, he could admit it was funny. “Weren’t you worried someone might see you and recognise you?”

“Someone did, apparently,” Gabriel said with a wink. “Nah. The only people who actually knew what I looked like were you and Dean, and Cas. Well, and Lucifer, but… he’s gone.” He paused for a second. “Besides, at least when I appeared on TV wasn’t because I’d decided to go on a cross-country murder spree, causing havoc and panic to the general population.”

Sam frowned before it clicked into place. “Yeah, uh, that wasn’t really me and Dean.”

Gabriel nodded, as he walked around Sam and slumped down on his sofa. “Yeah, I know. I’ve been keeping an eye on things. You know, reading the occasional paper.” He shot a playful glare at Sam. “Hey, nice job with that whole releasing-Leviathans-from-purgatory-thing.”

Sam snorted as he took a seat next to him. “You can blame your brother for that.”

“My brother…Castiel? The one who showed up on TV one day, slaughtering people with a manic grin on his face?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yes, him. But, whatever, we cleaned it up. It’s all good.” He paused, hesitating for a moment. “So you know, about Lucifer. How we trapped him.”

“Yeah, well, I figured your plan had worked when I came back and the world was still in one place.” Gabriel seemed deep in thought, like his mind had travelled back and was recalling the events of his resurrection.

The conversation went on from there, with Sam filling him in on all the things he’d missed – his trip downstairs, his whole soulless thing, explained about Castiel’s God stunt, told him about his cage-induced hallucinations, and finally the Leviathans. Something stopped him, though, from mentioning that they were now trying to trap all demons back in hell and close the gates forever.

When the conversation came to a halt, Gabriel noticed that Sam was looking at him with an expectant expression. “I know you died. I know that. And now you’re here. So I’d like to know. What happened?”

Gabriel gave him a derisive snort. “You went to hell. How did you make it back?”

“Cas pulled me out. Your turn.”

The former archangel sighed. “I don’t know.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Cut the crap, Gabriel. Tell me, what happened? Who brought you back?”

Something snapped inside Gabriel, and he got up to his feet. When he spoke his voice was raised. “I don’t fucking know, okay! Who do you think you are, coming in here and asking these questions? I’d _love_ to know, _believe_ me! I’d like to know who exactly brought me back to life after my brother stabbed me to my death! I’d like to know why I’m suddenly _human_ – grace and wings and powers all gone!” he choked out a broken, devastated laughter, but his eyes were still glazed with fury, fixed on Sam, even as the hunter suddenly rose from his seat. “Maybe I should be asking you! Maybe you’ll know, you’re good at investigating this sort of crap, right?”

For an inexplicable reason, Sam felt rage boiling inside him. “What the hell, Gabriel? Where is this coming from? Why are you getting mad at me for being worried about you?”

“Ohhh,” Gabriel laughed sarcastically. “Oh, you’re _worried_ about me. Well, Sam, I must inform you, I’m doing just fine. Thanks for your concern.” Gabriel stared at Sam with dark eyes then motioned at the door with his head.

“How can you say that? You’re _human_ now, Gabriel.” Sam pointedly ignored the hint. “I mean… do you know what this means?”

“Yes, I think I know what it means, since I’ve been trying to figure it out for four fucking years now. I dealt with it just fine by myself, and I think I’m managing it.” Gabriel’s voice was dripping with sarcasm, and it made Sam even angrier. He pushed the feeling down, though, and when he spoke up, his voice was softer.

“All this time…” Sam paused, took a deep breath. “I thought you were dead.”

Gabriel smirked. “Did you mourn?”

Something inside him snapped, and before he knew it, Sam had Gabriel pressed against the wall, his hands grasping at the man’s shirt collar angrily. It wasn’t anger, exactly, that he was feeling, but as soon as he felt their bodies pressed up against each other, Sam’s mind switched off, and acted on instinct. He leaned down, crashing his mouth roughly against Gabriel’s. More surprising than his actions, though, were Gabriel’s; his hands were suddenly in Sam’s hair, grasping desperately, as his mouth moved against Sam’s. Sam pushed his body against Gabriel’s even harder, hands sneaking down the former archangel’s back, and landing on his hips, pulling them towards him as he pushed his own body forward. Sam snapped back to reality when his hands thoughtlessly landed on the belt of Gabriel’s jeans, and he stepped backward, seeming a little startled at his own actions.

“Oh, come on, just as it was getting good.” Gabriel’s voice carried the smirk that would be clear on his face if Sam would, or could, look at him.

Sam covered his face in his hands for a long moment before he dared meet Gabriel’s eye. “I gotta go,” he muttered under his breath. He looked at Gabriel for a long moment, taking in his flushed cheeks and bright golden eyes, which seemed friendlier now, in a way.

“Sam, I’m sorry.”

The hunter nodded. “Me too.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long to update! I hope I can post the next part of this verse soon :)

 

Gabriel didn’t see Sam for the next two days, so he assumed that the Winchesters had solved the case and left the city. When he arrived at his apartment after another long shift at the bar, he was surprised to find the hunter sitting cross-legged next to his front door. In the dark, and after having drunk more than a little during his shift, he mistook Sam for a homeless man before he approached him. Then he immediately recognized him; there was no missing his strangely multi-coloured eyes, glinting as Sam looked up at him.

“Hey,” Sam’s mouth curved in a shy smile.

Gabriel grumbled in response. “Isn’t it past your bedtime, princess?”

Sam snorted and got up, following Gabriel into the apartment, even if Gabriel hadn’t actually invited him in. Once inside, the smaller man kicked off his shoes, and threw his jacket on the armchair – as always – but instead of heading to his bedroom, he fell into the comfy cushions of the sofa. “So, what’s up?”

Sam shifted from one foot to the other, clearly nervous. He pushed his hands in the pockets of his jeans, still smiling at Gabriel. “Work wear you out?”

“You bet.” Gabriel yawned a little dramatically, and draped an arm over his eyes. “Whatever you came here to say, spit it out, ‘cause I want to go to sleep.” He lifted his arm and peeked an eye open. “Unless you’re about to ask me if you can join me in the bedroom, in which case…”

“No, no,” Sam chuckled quietly. “I’m, uh, I’m sorry, for the other day.”

Gabriel sat up on the sofa. He took a moment to consider Sam’s apology and nodded in acceptance. He was the one who should be apologizing, anyway, he thought to himself. Sam continued talking, though.

“I wanted to tell you – come with us.”

Gabriel snorted. “What, pack my bags and hit the road with you two knuckleheads? Going around the country and hunting monsters?” he grinned. “No, thanks.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “No, we’ve, uh – we’ve got a place in Lebanon, Kansas. It’s kind of like a secret home base, or something.” He bit on his lower lip softly. Carefully, he approached the sofa, and took a seat next to the former archangel. “You can just stay there if you want, and, I don’t know. Maybe find a job or something.”

Gabriel observed him carefully. Their eyes met, and he held Sam’s gaze, watching him with curious eyes. He couldn’t decipher the hunter’s motives – why would they want him to tag along with them, where everywhere Gabriel went he caused mass destruction and general chaos? Why, out of all people, would Sam Winchester, the person he’d hurt over and over again, be asking him to – well, to basically move in with them? Gabriel quickly realised that for once he could actually get the answer to his question.

“Why?”

Sam sighed like he’d anticipated the question and had hoped to avoid it. “Because I feel bad. I mean, that you had to – we got you killed, Gabriel.” He glanced at Gabriel and the floor alternately. “And then – what you went through, becoming human… I feel guilty, and that I could’ve been there to help you out and-”

“Okay,” Gabriel put up his hand. “I’m gonna stop you there because I’m not in the mood for your melodrama, Winchester.”

Sam laughed, and slapped the other man’s hand away. “I’m serious, you know.”

“I know, that’s the problem!” Gabriel exclaimed, amused. “It wasn’t your fault, okay? You didn’t get me killed. Don’t tell me you’ve spent all this time blaming yourself.”

“Kinda.” Sam nodded, and laughed when Gabriel dropped his head in his hands, muttering something under his breath.

Gabriel slid closer to him, and Sam leaned back. “I’ll consider your proposition and I’ll let you know.”

Sam nodded again, not trusting his voice to speak out loud. He felt the nerves rising in his stomach because of the proximity between them, taking notice of the way Gabriel was looking at him. Sam cursed himself mentally, for his impulsive action of kissing Gabriel in the heat of their argument, and then wondered whether he could just lean forward and meet his lips again.

“What, did you forget about our little tango of the other day?” Gabriel smiled slyly at him. “Or did you regret it?”

“No-” Sam was interrupted with Gabriel’s lips brushing softly against his, and tentatively, Sam kissed him back. He thought for a moment about why he was letting it happen, or responding even, before he decided that it felt nice.

Gabriel chuckled. “You surprised yourself as much as you surprised me, didn’t you?”

“I really don’t know what came over me,” Sam mumbled, not daring to meet Gabriel’s eyes; that electric spark in his deep amber eyes was a little unnerving. “I guess I was happy to see you. And angry that you were shouting at me.”

“Well, I’m glad you did that, anyway. I’ve always kinda liked you.” Gabriel said and got to his feet, stepping away from Sam’s personal space, as he sensed that the hunter had become a little uncomfortable. With a tired yawn he announced that he desperately needed to get some sleep before he passed out. Sam nodded dazedly, still trying to wrap his head around the situation. Had Gabriel just basically confessed to having a crush on Sam? Sam cringed at how childlike his own thoughts had sounded in his head. Then he became vaguely aware that he was being invited to spend the night.

“Unless you feel like driving back to your motel at this ridiculous hour.” Gabriel raised an eyebrow at him. “Come on, my bed is big enough, and I promise I’ll be a perfect gentleman.”

Sam snorted in laughter, even as he followed Gabriel to his bedroom. “No, you won’t.”

“Tsk. You misjudge me, Winchester.”

They fell asleep much later than they planned to, instead lying in bed and talking quietly, trading off stories of what they’d been up to, and Sam admitted to himself that being around Gabriel was actually rather enjoyable. As if, with his grace and powers gone, it was now much easier to talk to Gabriel, to trust him and open up to him – even if it was about boring little stories – and to want to be around him.

“Hey, Gabe?” Sam mumbled sleepily, itching to get the question out before they both drifted off.

“Mm?” Gabriel sounded just as sleepy.

“Why did you use ‘Winchester’ as your last name?”

Gabriel’s eyes opened wide. He groaned and rolled over to lie on his stomach, burying his face in his pillow and mumbled quietly, his voice muffled. “I don’t know, it was just the first one that I could think of, okay?”

Sam chuckled quietly and wrapped his arms around his own pillow, his heavy eyelids shutting completely. “You’re a dork.”

They fell asleep in the early hours of the morning, just before dawn, and were woken up abruptly when Sam’s phone sprang into life, with Dean on the other end of the call, demanding to know where the hell had Sam been all night.

The Winchesters packed up and left later that day, but not before Sam left their numbers with Gabriel, and told him to give them a call if anything came up. As a last note, he asked Gabriel to actually think about the invitation. Gabriel made no promises.

 

Two weeks later, Sam opened the door of the bunker, and froze in his spot when he saw the former archangel standing in front of him with a duffel bag draped over his shoulder.

 


End file.
